Love Kingsman: The Secret Service With Me (And Everyone Else)

Colin Firth, Samuel L Jackson and Taron Egerton.

Kingsman: The Secret Service barrel rolls in as one of the most audacious films I've simply ever seen. I don't usually review a film but I felt given it's performance I was pretty much obligated to.

It feels more than anything like a big mash up of everything you could enjoy in a film. It's got fantastic acting, hilarious writing and a plot that is completely generic for a spy film (a quirky bad guy with intent of dominating the world through money or technology) whilst managing to actually be an entirely individual film in itself, which is a rarity. 

The first few scenes give you an edging sense of dread, not because they are necessarily of poor quality but more-so because they are somewhat ridiculous. To be blunt, someone gets chopped in half. If that ever becomes a recognisable sign of a good movie - let me know.

And yet, after chopping someone in half, you just can't help but to be absolutely enthralled by the plot, despite it being ridiculously far-fetched and what is quintessentially a comedy, it still manages to grab you by the throat and make you watch (I think it's Colin Firth).

Colin Firth plays Harry, a veteran 'Kingsman' (a dapper British spy) who's life was saved by a fellow spy in a previous mission, Harry seeks to keep his friend's legacy on by selecting said friend's son as his new protege for Kingsman training - Eggsy, played by newcomer Taron Egerton, whom is remarkably likeable for his debut role. The Kingsman do of course face their big bad bond-like enemy.

This is Samuel. L Jackson as you've never seen him before and I still can't work out whether it's good or bad, but I'm going with it. He's got a lisp. He's pretty camp. He "can't stand the sight of blood" and he's also the big bad guy behind it all. He plays the billionaire entrepreneur Richmond Valentine who seeks to kill off a decent slice of the world population by offering free sim-card like chips into everyone that allows him to control their behaviour. Of course, what's preventing him from his evil plot? The Kingsman of course! From sharing a McDonalds meal to slaughter in a church. The film is simply brilliantly outrageous.

Martin Vaughn has stripped a lot from the comics of the same name but re-worked it into a bond homage more than anything. But the comic book essence is still present - bulletproof umbrellas, shotgun pistols and hologram glasses.

There are a lot of gags - some of them fall short, mainly a few references to 'My Fair Lady' and a few that are just aimed at the 'common londoner', but ultimately the film manages to be riotous and pull all the right heartstrings without diving too much into the realms of clichè.

Grab a martini. Get suited up. Get to the cinema.

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Why You Shouldn't Like Government Employed PSHE Schemes

For those who are unaware, PSHE stands for Personal Social Health & Economic Education, it's a part of the UK's national curriculum and has been since 2000. It's also become the biggest load of cockwash since the Iraq War.

I'm a student, currently on the arse-end of my final year at sixth form and I won't lie, this is probably pretty biased. I despise everything from registration to the 20 or so different bells that blast away every day; nonetheless, PSHE needs to go, and fast. The other week, the sixth form were subjected to what I can only really describe as unabashed sexism and, well, pretty fucking terrible acting.

Sat in our seats; bracing ourselves for the next dull PSHE assembly, we were told by the assembly leader that the topic of this PSHE was Domestic Violence. Of course, this is fine, children and young adults should obviously be taught how to cope and deal with this sort of issue. Good job so far guys. The catch is however, in my far too many years at education, I've had this same PSHE assembly - 4 times. Naturally with different people running it and generally a slightly different tone each time, but, you guessed it, still some fucking terrifically bad acting.

Yet. this isn't really the problem, it's generally the same layout:

1. Quick talk and explanation about Domestic Violence

2. Any Questions? (Oh, we're sixth formers, we couldn't be bothered to lift up our arms even if we had a question.)

3. Okay here's a big long video

4. Summary of the video

5. Any Questions? (Obviously, still no one can be fucked.)

6. Okay that's it guys. Clap at us like seals.

That's all fairly straightforward. Not really any problems there - except for the video.

Every time I have had this topic of assembly, it has always been a painfully dominant male beating the living shit out of his, usually younger, girlfriend. Now, don't think me a fool, this scenario happens more than enough times across the country than I can count on my hands - but it is not the only damn scenario. Wives beat husbands. Teenagers beat their parents. Husbands beat wives. Instead of portraying properly the reality of what happens in Domestic Abuse scenario's, PSHE in the curriculum is unarguably adding more fuel to the sexism bonfire. Children growing up in Secondary School's will see the same video's, constant boyfriends and husbands domineering and beating their female partners. What image does that really present to young people? Who, let's face it, can be pretty naive.

PSHE is a mess. A mess that isn't working to actually educate the younger generation socially well enough in the slightest.

I wouldn't have been so angry and gone toward writing this if the person leading the assembly hadn't said the one thing that catalysed my anger - "if you know someone who's a victim of Domestic Violence, be there for her".

HER.

Being an assembly full of sixth formers, this generally doesn't matter so much and was significantly less damaging, as most were either wanting to go to sleep and/or daydreaming intricate ways of escaping the hall undetected. (I don't know, that could've just been me). But seriously - you, lovely lady though you are, are a complete and utter idiot. She actually solidified my hatred for her when she followed that with the brilliantly twattish "oh I shouldn't say she, that's probably not correct, but most of the time that is the case".

To be fair, figures show that Male instigated domestic violence rates are much higher, but to twist that into an educational portal just begins to warp the minds of young people into fear, paranoia and distrust - which, let's be honest, this country doesn't need anymore of. (Yeah, thanks UKIP.)

I must also be clear that I don't expect every one of these PSHE schemes to include every scenario of such topics into their videos and whatnot, but what I do expect is that there is more acknowledgement and explanation that these sorts of things, like domestic violence, affect more than just women. It is a crime that destroys people and it is not to be skimmed over as just being men. It's just insulting in every way.

In summary.

- Support ANYONE you know that is a victim of Domestic Violence
- Don't generalise a common, malevolent crime to a gender.
- Fuck you PSHE.

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Hello, I'm fickle.

It has been several months since my last post, for which I do apologise. (that is to say if you actually read the things I write and enjoy them)

Today, I came to something of a realisation that I was not expecting, especially given my previous writings and opinions on the subject, nonetheless, today I realised I am a Feminist.

In contrary to what I have written before, I have finally come to an opinion on Feminism and comfortable in the concept that I am a Feminist. It truly hit me when I watched a video that was a sort of 'social experiment' on domestic abuse, that is when I had a figurative 'epiphany'; Feminism is equality. It is not a warped and twisted anti-male movement in which women seek to overthrow a patriarchal society (yeah, some people honestly believe that). I had previously noted Feminism in the modern day as 'twisted' into a much more anti-male orientated movement in which net mums abuse misconstrued men on social media platforms, but after watching this video my perspective has been truly altered:

In that video, there is some truly heartwarming and sickening reactions - a man actually joined the woman in abusing the experimenter, of course, whether or not this video had it's own agenda is entirely questionable but it's message is clear and at least how I perceive it, pure. Feminism is doing wonders for the world as I type these very words, support goes out to the Eastern World where even in the modern age women still suffer horrifically from patriarchal societies that ultimately abuse and borderline torture women, but Feminism does not just stand for women, as most men view it. Feminism stands for ALL. It is a movement that aims to bring every class, sex and ethnicity together, at least that is what Feminism now means to me.

A few weeks back I was at the cinema watching a new release, 'The Riot Club', this perhaps was one of the most rage-inducing films I have ever had both the pleasure and displeasure of watching. I walked out of the cinema having experienced complete shock and awe, I was both entirely blow away by the high quality of the writing and directing and completely disgusted by it's message (a film I urge everyone to go and see).

But a scene that really niggled away inside my brain *spoilers* is a scene in which the group of would-be posh boys sit around their dining table for the night, drunk and completely coked up. Miles(the generally central character) has been foiled into a cruel prank in which his girlfriend is accidentally invited to this dining room of 'debauchery' - a term the film loves to spit out regularly. In this scene, the 10 of the boys all make crude, vile and toxic comments that make you clench your firsts in the -fairly uncomfortable- cinema seats. The girl, Lauren, is sexually assaulted against a door, abused and offered £27,000 in exchange for 'just a few blowjobs', it is possible one of the most vomit-worthy scenes to watch in a film to be released in the past decade.

And yet, it is also one of the most thought provoking, because although a work of fiction, we have seen in the past 10 years that this is real, not the movie, but the concept is real. People do this shit. Perhaps I'm having a late reality check that everyone else realised years ago, but the world we live in is pretty fucked, and we all have a responsibility to 'unfuck' it. The way I have chosen to channel it through? Feminism. Feminism is my portal in which I will try my absolute hardest to bring about some change through whatever means I have at my disposal, along with the millions of other Feminists at my side, for that I have pride. Everyone can make a difference with but a little hope.

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Why Iggy Azalea and her kin are a detriment to Modern Society and Feminism

For a global society that often claims to be fast approaching equality, there still seem to be idols in the mass media that do nothing but absolutely diminish any sense of self-respect for themselves, I'm talking of course, as the title refers to, about Iggy Azalea, the provocative Australian 'rapper'.

I'll hold my hands up in shame here and say that my anger for this was first arisen when I saw an article comparing dear ol' Iggy and The Beatles. Yes, you did actually read that right.

Now, in previous posts I have disputed the fact that in many cases, sex does sell, often far too well for it's own good. But surely, SURELY after watching a 3 hour long concert of Iggy Azalea doing nothing but squatting and rubbing herself against oiled up gentlemen(performing none of her actual music it seems), there is a line in which we say "Yeah, okay. This isn't music, or a concert. It's porn."

It is people like Iggy Azalea that make me think long and hard about swingin' toward Feminism, because frankly, she and the image she presents is disgusting. For the record, her debut record was aptly named "Pu$$y".

It's a sad moment for me when her latest work, "Fancy", is quickly becoming the fastest selling pop song in history, it either proves the Feminism has done absolutely nothing for the world in the past 50 years, the whole world has gone tits up, or simply, I'm alone in thinking this.

If you haven't heard it, it's the sort of music, that lyrically appeals to your standard 14 year old girl wanting to go 'crazy', it's probably going to become the next anthem for young girls getting shitfaced around town. "Keep on turnin' up, we don't give a fuck"

But speaking from a country of rapidly growing insecure teenage girls, mass binge drinking problems, racist politicians and unabashed everyday sexism: is this not the most self-destructive sort of culture to embrace with open arms?

Why, for example, is Regina Spektor, not a mainstream idol she so deserves to be? Or as some people might know her: "The woman who sung the pretty songs on 500 Days of Summer".

Regina Spektor in Concert

We have a spoilt little girl 'rapper' flouncing her bum about like a piece of butcher's meat for sale, and a humble pianist girl who started from very little and arose to an incredibly respectable woman, and musician. Why is the former more popular? Why are we still talking about Nigel Farage and his 'politics' whilst millions of literal CHILDREN are being exposed to what is fundamentally, porn?




The same applies to the likes of Nicki Minaj or Miley Cyrus, it is simply a chain of exploitation with a huddled group of fatcats at the top of the chain laughing at the people they have assimilated into their bank accounts. You have young women, like for example Iggy Azalea, who are exploited by their management to sell their product and music via their image, then all of the envious people below worship them like deities, it is nothing other than poisonous to the progress made in equality in the past few decades.

Iggy Azalea in Concert

The truly most sickening thing about it all, is that these brainwashed women actually seem to think that they have 'creative direction' in their work. It would seem the definition of 'creative direction' has definetly seen a drastic change over the years, must've been something I missed, perhaps Robin Thicke can give me a definition. If anyone has any idea how the embedded picture of Azalea in concert portrays even an inkling of creative direction, please, inform me. Perhaps the the hand gesture is some sort of, uh, metaphor?

More than anything, I can do nothing other than plead. Plead anyone reading this to reject this awful, toxic culture that is simply poisoning society further, furthering sexism and stereotype. It would most likely be wasted breath to also plead  these young women to step down from their pedestal of flesh, they won't read this and if they do they won't care.

"A hoe is a hoe... is a HOE. & yes, ass out in a mag/internet/public view PERIOD. Puts you in a bucket with all the other hoes. No exceptions" - Azalea

Who knows? Maybe I'm just too arrogant to embrace a hip-hop style of music that flaunts female flesh like gold dust and swaggers men about uncompromisingly describing their nasty shags with 'hoes' and 'bitches'. Yet, if that culture is taking Britain by storm, I am proud to stand aside and say that frankly, I'd rather listen to fucking Nickelback and watch Come Dine With Me.




On that bombshell, go and listen to some Regina Spektor.

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Stephen Sutton, A Hero.

I have been following Stephen's updates for around the past three months, donating as and when I could, and there was not a more inspirational and astonishingly selfless person I have ever had the joy of reading about. Normally, these sorts of media-storm stories have me ambivalent at best, let alone sum up any sense of emotion, but yet, when I saw his viral 'last thumbs up' picture, my respect for him soared above and beyond. I can never say I have or likely will meet someone who had the absolute courage to say goodbye in such a brave, brave manner.

I figured that it was appropriate to pay my respects to him, as a person, as a charity king, and most of all, an absolute credit to society. I would like to think that had I been in the same position I would happily have taken on the same role as Stephen, but I know that I wouldn't have held a candle to his bravery.

My sincere condolences go out to Stephen's family, friends and supporters. His story will likely never be forgotten and I pray that it doesn't, nothing short of a legend.

Rest in Peace, Stephen Sutton.



"It's a final thumbs up from me! I've done well to blag things as well as I have up till now, but unfortunately I think this is just one hurdle too far.


It's a shame the end has come so suddenly- there's so many people I haven't got round to properly thank or say goodbye too. Apologies for that.

There was also so many exciting projects and things I didn't get to see out. Hopefully some will continue and if you want to carry on the fundraising please do (justgiving.com/stephen-sutton-TCT
is the link to donate to).

All future updates on this page will probably be from a family member. I hopefully may have the energy to write a few tweets (@_StephensStory). I will continue fighting for as long as I can, and whatever happens next I want you all to know I am currently in a good place mentally and at ease with the situation.

That's it from me. But life has been good. Very good.

Thank you to my mum and the rest of my family for everything. Thank you to my friends for being amazing. Thank you to my medical team for the hard work and effort they've continually they've put towards me. And thank you everyone else for sharing this wonderful journey with me.

I love you all x"

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"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." - Victor Hugo

I've been listening to a lot of music lately, exploring new genres and new sounds. Mind you, not that I am particularly talented or knowledgeable in music at all, I'm just a humble listener. After at least 100 hours of non-stop music on my Marley headphones(which I recommend highly, you can get them from here), I figured "Hey, let's give a weekly 5 top songs for my blog" and thusly, here I am! I'll jump right in straight away and deliver blow by blow complete with YouTube links.

1. Everything Everything - Suffragette Suffragette

I discovered Everything Everything alongside their release of 'Arc' in 2013, fitting into the pop-indie-rock scene. Their music is undoubtedly clever (aside from their apparent lack of ideas for the band and song's names maybe). Since their debut album, Man Alive, they've since truly soared to become some chart toppers, maybe not megastars but their definitely being rewarded with some fame that's well deserved. With a retro-modern fusion of music, Everything Everything tell stories in their music, and good ones at that.

2. The Vaccines - Bad Mood

This, by far, isn't one of The Vaccines best work. The song has a fairly monotonous vocal feel to it, but the guitar riffs and ferocity are enough to make you want to rip your clothes off and fling yourself into a crowd of 80's kids and go wild.

3. twenty one pilots - Truce

Twenty One Pilots, stylised as twenty|one|pilots are newcomers to the industry, with an absolutely astounding album released in 2013, Vessel was an immediate hit album, as it should be. The album has flavours of nearly a dozen genres and delicately crafts alternative music to have a whole new meaning. If you can, I suggest you listen to their entire album.

4. Panic! at the Disco - Casual Affair

If Panic! at the Disco are known for anything, it's for being completely wacky and different for every single album they release. Jumping from emo-punk rock in A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, to Folk in Pretty. Odd. and then a fusion of pop and rock for Vices & Virtues, they already have a pretty eclectic mix under their belt. Only for them to jump into an eccentric new electronic experiment in Casual Affair. It's quirky. It's surreal. It's good.

5. Phoenix - Entertainment

Phoenix are notorious heroes of indie music... if that's possible. Their music always seems to incorporate an electronic melody with some soft vocals and catchy lyrics. Phoenix have some undeniable classics, another being 1901. These guys will get you motivated and put you on a high.


As I'm notably doing 5 songs I recommend a week, I thought I'd incorporate 1 song you definitely shouldn't listen to.

5 Seconds of Summer - She Looks So Perfect

I honestly struggle to word how low music sinks when bands like this surface to popularity. Simply, they're awful musicians. They're whiny. They're overproduced and they're over-hyped. This is what is spawned when Justin Bieber and the Arctic Monkeys are popular in conjunction with each other. If you're a teenage girl looking to get off over a bunch of boys wearing make-up and sporting stupid haircuts playing awful music, this might just be your thing. Otherwise? Run. Run for the fucking hills.

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Kayleigh Palmer, A Truly Tragic Loss

It was on Saturday morning that I heard of Kayleigh's death, after having been kept in the loop throughout the week from a string of her friends.

I don't quite know how to properly word what I'm about to write, I'm not usually good at being particularly emotive about things, but, I digress.

I never really knew Kayleigh, as popular as that sentence is or has become. She was in the year below me at Cleeve School and only a few weeks ago had I managed to put a face to a name.

At first, In a strange sense, I didn't know how to react or feel in response to her death, she had never spoken to me, we had just exchanged mutual smiles at a bus stop one morning or she had opened the door for me in school.

Yet, that's when it hit me. The first time I have truly been deeply, sickeningly affected by the death of someone who wasn't relatively close to me in my life.

Death is the last enemy: once we've got past that I think everything will be alright.
Alice Thomas Ellis

I will not have it said, by anyone, that Kayleigh Palmer was not anything other than absolutely lovely. Every time I ever saw her she walked with a smile on her face radiating nothing other than pure happiness, never have I seen her sad, nor upset, nor angry, nor have I ever seen her be rude or spiteful to another person. Which is a thousand times more than I can say for the rest of the teenage population.

My deepest sympathies go out to her friends, family and loved ones. She, in my mind, was one of the most pleasant and lovely people I have ever had the pleasure of being an acquaintance of.

I had intended also, on giving an unbiased and totally neutral perspective on the events of last week, alas, I shall let my writing and emotions free-flow. 

There is nothing more utterly stomach churning than the thought of her boyfriend committing such an absolute atrocity. 

I have always been content with the fact that Cheltenham is relatively sleepy little town which gets busy for one week of the year and has it's fair share of scumbags. But this? This has truly changed my perspective on what people are really capable of, I am unabashedly appalled that another human being was able to commit the act so knowingly.

It breaks my heart to know that Kayleigh, whom was only 16, has lost not only her entire life, but her child and all of the potential that came along with her. 

Once again, my deepest condolences go out to her family and friends, it is beyond a tragic loss not only for her family, but Cleeve School. I truly pray that she is in a better place than the dark world we live in.

The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is a duty of the living to do so for them.

Lois McMaster Bujold

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